Direct Translation Woes

We are so used to speaking English by directly translating our chinese or malay. Here is a classic example of one. If you have time, try to write the letter using the correct English words and sentences.

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Dear Ah Lian,

Thanks you for your letter. Wrong time no see you. How everything? For me, I am quiet find.

You say in your letter your taukeh soh want you to chain your look? Somemore you must wear kick kok soo, hope you can wok properly.

You know, Ah Kau Kia working in a soft where company now. Last week, he take I, Muthu &
few of his friend to May Nonut to eat barger. After that he take we all go to kalah ok. Muthu sing and sing no stop until the sky bright.

Next week, my father mother going to sellerbread 20 years Annie wear sari. My father mother going to give a fist to all the kampong people. So you must come with your hole family.

I only hope one day we no need to write and send letter to you and to me. Better I e-meow
you, you e-meow me. I will ketchup with you soon. And when you got time, please few free to call me. Goo bye.....

Worm regard,
Ah Beng